Writer Simon brings to Flying Pig a keen ear for Doric dialogue, and has the luxury of being able to base the majority of his sketches on either family members or experiences resulting from his admittedly ridiculous surname.  By day he is principal teacher of mathematics at Oldmachar Academy, growing increasingly alarmed at the number of school pupils who are taller than he his.  In fact, it’s at work where Simon gets his greatest laugh – telling pupils he has written anything remotely funny.

Due to overwhelming public demand, Simon’s stage career has been cut short, though he boasts many memorable roles: “Soldier 12½” & “Expressionless child #3” with his Mum in Aberdeen Opera Company; “Daniel O’Donnell strip-o-gram” & “Cantankerous old man” in Student Show and “Boy with no concept of what was going on” in an Aberdeen Grammar School production of “Blood Wedding” by Lorca.

In his spare time Simon tests the structure and resilience of Aberdeen’s pavements whilst out running and  tests the skills and resolve of the green-keepers at Kemnay Golf Club whilst golfing. However, he  has now completely retired from testing the abilities of local hairdressers.

Simon lives in the city’s glittering suburbs with his wife, Lynn.

Small of a*se yet big of heart, Steve appears for Flying Pig from the relaxed decadence of Glasgow’s Merchant City and by day is a Principal Teacher of Moral and Religious Education. Those of you who have met him may require to read that sentence again.

Born at an early age, Steven has grown into a performer of some stature, and following some recent Chiropractic assistance has now reached the height of 6 feet 3, without the stoop (with it, 5 feet 5).
Following his debut as ‘3rd Peasant’ in the South Leeds Panto, and training with the St Philips Primary School Players, he achieved critical acclaim in the roles of ‘Pharaoh’ and ‘Dracula’, though not at the same time.

After a period of “resting” he returned to the stage in Pools Paradise as ‘the Revd Toop’ – an ecclesiastical role, which of course would point to a calling in later life. As, indeed, did his roles as an arrogant young man in The Fantasticks, a cuckolded lover in Arcadia, a boorish actor in Kiss Me Kate, and, most taxing of all, a transvestite in Hair.

Television has included a role as ‘Bored Audience Member’ in An Evening With Evelyn Glennie and a surprised but rather pleased winning contestant on defunct daytime STV quiz Beat the Streets.

Steven is, of course, best known for his recurring role as ‘fake tan road tester’ on BBC Radio Scotland, in which he describes the texture, colour and efficacy of a variety of tanning products for the benefit of mid-morning listeners.

King of Couthy, Man of the People and Pin up boy of the Sunshine Club (Kincorth), Craig is a local showbiz legend in his own lunchtime. When not pursuing his day job with a prominent local law firm,  he can bring joy to a roomful of octogenarians with a squeeze of his box.

Craig began his career at an early age, appearing as ‘The Oracle’ in Mile End Primary School’s sell out production of “Queen Beryl and the Romans” in 1985. This part required him to wear his mother’s spare room curtains, a look which he periodically sports to this day, sometimes when bowling. In 1988 he made his professional debut as Third Munchkin from the Left in “The Wizard of Oz”, with Jessica Martin.

An accomplished accordion player, Craig is a stalwart of “Mrs Gerrard’s Accordion Band” ® and his recorded work includes the CD and Video box set “Hogmanay Party at Pittodrie House Hotel”, available now from all good reduced to clear bins.
TV includes appearing as a solo artiste in “Little Donkey”, live from Beechgrove Church in 1986, and an appearance on Grampian TV in the shining and radiant company of Sarah Mack, who, it turns out, really is that colour in real life.

Craig is also resident choreographer for Flying Pig, having studied at the Balnagask Conservatoire of Dance where he graduated with distinction in Tap, Ballet and The Slosh.

John was born at 2.30pm on Saturday 14th November 1970, thus preventing his father from getting to Pittodrie for the Dons’ only home win over old firm opposition in an otherwise miserable season. As a partner in a firm of solicitors he practices (in the fullest sense of the word) law. A debonair man about town, a near professional singer, a noted sailor, and a martial arts expert; he’s represented them all in court.

John began his career at Broomhill Primary where his ‘Second King’ in the nativity remains definitive. While there, he beat off competition from every other 4 year old actor in Aberdeen to win the role of Wee Julian, the weak bladdered page boy in the ‘Scotland the What?’ sketch, Mary’s Wedding.

TV work includes oddly dressed teenager in BBC Scotland’s Open to Question, interviewing Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, who used to be married to Patsy Kensit, who was in Lethal Weapon 2 with Mel Gibson. Also on the small screen, John can be seen as Usher (nae the pop star) in the Dogme-style Greg & Susan’s Wedding Video.

On Radio he enjoyed a recurring role as Theatre Critic on Northsound 2. Asked to rate a production of The Roy Orbison Story out of 10, and unable to resist temptation, he gave it The Big O. A flood of complaints from Orbison fans cut his broadcasting career tragically short.

John lives in a wee world of his own and with Gayle, his inexplicably patient wife.

Susan continues to bring her own distinctive Doric brilliance to our productions as well as being a calm and relaxed presence in the Gordon household. Another hard working edumacator, Susan also finds time to produce baking and desserts of the highest quality, to which the ever-expanding waistlines of the Pigs are testament.

An alumnus of Aberdeen’s prestigious Holburn West Junior Music Society, she was one half of a highly successful sister act during the early 1980’s. Their closing number – an impassioned performance of “Let’s all Play at Indians” – would elicit wild applause from a select audience of mum, dad, and upstairs neighbour. Typecast in the role of ‘Narrator’ at Ashley Road Primary, Susan then diversified and took the guise of ‘La Corbie’ in Aberdeen Grammar School’s production of Mary Queen of Scots Got Her Head Chopped Off, and has continued the ‘old crone’ theme with subsequent roles. With Flying Pig, however, Susan has broadened her palette and can be sometimes seen playing characters as young as 50.

TV work includes presenting a cheque in a Grampian TV Telethon and an appearance aged 4 in the Union Grove Oddbins during a report by Selina Scott, who subsequently went on to work with both ‘fun-time’ Frank Bough and Prince Charles. Her radio work includes a performance as ‘starstruck fan at the head of the queue for Jason Donovan tickets’ in 1990.

Greg brings to the group a tight intellectual discipline, a tranquil voice of reason and the stomach lining of a pensioner, he can be seen stomping around the campus of Aberdeen University, academic gown fluttering behind him, in his day job at the Department of Law.

Trained at Walker Dam Infants and Hazelhead Primary and Secondary, Greg recovered from the early disappointment of being passed over for the nativity, going on to provide a sensitive portrayal of ‘Second Elephant’ in the school pageant. His trunk, consisting of tangerines stuffed into a spray painted football sock stunned audiences and strained his neck muscles. His television work includes a recurring role as ‘man walking away from camera’, on North Tonight’s library shot of Old Aberdeen High Street (1993-1994), providing an ad hoc interview to Jane Franchi on the sacking of Alex Smith as Don’s manager, and an appearance on Grampian Weekend in which he gave a gravely serious interview on the nature of comedy.

Greg’s writing career began at the age of 11 with the publication of a letter to the Green Final. Since then he has written jokes for the school debating society, the same jokes for The Student Show and the same jokes again for Flying Pig. He lives in Aberdeen and in fear of being found out.

One of the City of Aberdeen’s foremost edumacators, Elaine brings her own distinctive blonde dizziness to the Pig proceedings and several members of her family too, who are inevitably asked to add some exquisite musical ornamentation to the show.

Elaine commenced her theatrical training at Scotstown and Udny Green Primaries before graduating to Ellon Academy. Theatre work includes Third Angel in the School Nativity and a hooting part as an Owl in The Wind in the Willows, for which she achieved critical acclaim for the intensity of her acting, as well as the magnificent costume lovingly hand crafted by her mother from finest brown paper. Elaine now performs in front of a captive audiences 5 days a week at Albyn School.

Television work includes a week-long stint on Wacaday where she taught Timmy Mallet the finer points of Scottish Country Dancing, and also a starring role as “incredulous teenager in the crowd at Pittodrie” in a glorious Don’s defeat of Rangers.

A die-hard Aberdeen fan, Lainey takes great pride in the fact that her late Grandma played for the Dons when ladies football briefly flourished during wartime. Even with her zimmer, she would still have beaten Zander Diamond over six yards.

Theatrical harlot Mr A J Brebner is regularly seen galumphing around the stage in a series of musical comedies and operettas. In the real world, which he does his best to spend as little time in as possible, he is a self-unemployed graphic designer (portfolio on www.brebdesign.co.uk). Andrew received his extensive training at Ashley Road and Airyhall Primary Schools, Hazlehead Academy, Aberdeen College, Aberdeen University, The Robert Gordon University and Aberdeen College again. The current crisis in student funding can’t be blamed on him in it’s entirety, but it’s gye close.

He made his theatrical debut with Miss McKenzie’s Primary 3 class, in the role of ‘lava’ in a white vest. This was followed by dual roles as ‘Singing Cowboy’ and ‘First Train Carriage’ in the unforgettable Primary 5 Concert and only 13 years later, he appeared as ‘Chief’ in a self-penned 5-minute abridgement of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest for Aberdeen University English department. His use of a boiler suit, a long black wig and a tin of brown Kiwi shoe polish is still talked about to this day. Mostly in seminars about diversity awareness.

Aside from countless Student Shows and songs and sketches for Flying Pig Productions, his writing credits include several dozen books, dictated to his mother between the ages of 4 and 6, which currently await publication. In his loft.

Moray brings to the cast a cheeky smile, a dropped shoulder & large fanbase of women under 70, (perfectly complementing Craig’s more mature following). When not justifying himself to his leftie mates / family about the morality of advising on the complex tax arrangements of large corporations, Moray enjoys cycling. He can often be seen cycling into town, cycling into work and cycling into car doors as drivers open them without checking their wing mirrors on North Deeside Road.

Theatre; a sold-out run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, playing to cast members’ grannies and local tramps in for a free heat, and audience member at Hamlet at the RSC, in which he thought David Tennant was very good.

Television; Young Krypton Factor 1988, in which he was runner up to Simon Horner from Yorkshire in a nailbiting series final. 20 years later; he is entirely comfortable with coming second.

Moray comes to Flying Pig Productions direct from The Office. Not the TV programme, just his work.

This is the fine body of men (and women, obviously) who comprise the  Flying Pigs.

Click on the photos for a wee biography of each member of the team.

From Top Left:

Moray Barber,  Elaine Clark, Susan Gordon, Greg Gordon,

John Hardie, Craig Pike, Steven Rance,

Andrew Brebner, Simon Fogiel,