P&J Columns 2013
January
7/1/13 “The Resolutions will not be well-advised”
14/1/13 Council throw their toys out of the pram – after failing to spit the dummy.
21/1/13 I bought some burgers at the Meikle Wartle Country Fayre – and they’re off!
28/1/13 A kick in the ribs, some bruising words and a case of third degree Burns.
February
4/2/13 Bad news for Burns Supper organisers as the Pound closes down against the Neep.
18/2/13 Asteroid 2012 DA14 was capable of destroying a city the size of London. Lucky for us we don’t live anywhere as big as that.
25/2/13 They’ve downgraded George Osborne’s credit rating. Well, times are tough since Sharon got the dunt off the X-factor.
March
4/3/13 They may take our pies, but they’ll never take our freedom!
11/3/13 Mission 37? More like Mission Impossible!
18/3/13 Shy and retiring 72 year old, young at heart. Enjoys sport, GSOH
25/3/13 Budget for an ‘#Aspirationnation’ – aspiration [noun], a pronouncement accompanied by an expulsion of gas.
April
1/4/13 Who wants to tee off while looking at a windmill? That’s Crazy Golf.
8/4/13 An excellent week to be a Millionaire. But then, aren’t they all?
15/4/13 Not so much further education as back o’ beyond education at the Meikle Wartle University.
22/4/13 Sandstorms hit Aberdeenshire! Perfect for conditions for Lawrence of Kemnay
29/4/13 Many leading figures in Government went to the same school. Is that why we’re in such an Eton Mess?
May
6/5/13 Give my regards to Broad Street
13/5/13 Aberdeen 2 -1 Real Madrid. If you’ve seen the Dons play this Century you may need to read that scoreline again
20/5/13 Poor old Nigel Farage; imagine being made unwelcome in the country you think of as home
27/5/13 These days, phones are ‘smart’. Unfortunately, people are still idiots
June
3/6/13 Crime doesn’t pay, but it’s a great way to reduce Council Tax
10/6/13 Does anyone else remember when ‘Lobby’ just meant the place you kept your meter-cupboard?
17/6/13 There’s only one thing a North East schooling can’t prepare you for – being Secretary of State for Education
24/6/13 Why are Aberdonians are so apathetic about culture? If only we could be bothered to find out
July
1/7/13 Marischal College Graffiti thought to be work of a disgruntled council taxpayer – 180,000 suspects in the frame
8/7/13 Unusual and dangerous weather conditions for the North-East. Three consecutive fine days!
15/7/13 Never mind Glastonbury or T in the Park; it’s Meikle Wartle’s answer to Woodstock – Livestock!
22/7/13 The Open Championship – open to everyone, as long as they don’t have 2 X chromosomes.
29/7/13 CAMBRIDGE; Weelum and Kate (née Middleton) are delighted to announce the safe arrival of George (Dod). Great-Granny chuffed to bits.
August
5/8/13 One Man, One Vote, One Russian Fishing Boat – lessons in democracy from Seaton Drive.
12/8/13 Doctored bats, ginger snaps and political attacks.
19/8/13 ‘Fracking’ is all over the news at the moment. Mary Whitehouse must be turning in her grave.
September
2/9/13 Historically, Britain was ‘Great in two areas; bossing people around and blowing things up.
9/9/13 So farewell, Offshore Europe. Or as the North-East hospitality trade call it: ‘Ker-ching Time’
16/9/13 The Grand Old Duke of York, he had Ten Thousand men. Unfortunately, none of them could recognize him, even in his mum’s garden.
23/9/13 Lateral thinking on all day drinking and friends, revenge and feet that are twinkling
30/9/13 A debate between two heavyweights and Tubular Bells for all eternity
October
7/10/13 If the name they chose is ‘Chapel of Elsick’, just think what the ones they binned must be like!
14/10/13 This week a bit of the roof fell off the Toon’s Hoose. Was anyone else surprised to hear it wasn’t the wheels?
21/10/13 It’s time to get tough on crime, and tough on the victims of crime
November
11/11/13 “Remember, remember, the fifth of November”. Though some folk would prefer to forget.
18/11/13 The Bear and the Hare, laid bare
December
2/12/13 600 pages of white paper; and about as informative as the stuff you buy for your printer
9/12/13 I’m in Kennethmont…Get Me Oot o’ Here!
