P&J Columns 2012


16/1/12  Oor Ain Folk

23/1/12  Independence Special

30/1/12  Burns Night is past, but it’s still Hogmannay in Miekle Wartle


06/2/12  Exercise? Open a bag of Wotsits

13/2/12  Love is in the Air. Or is it the Cabbage Soup?

20/2/12  The Butter-Fingered Philanthropist

27/2/12  Down & Out In Woolmanhill


05/3/12  Ladies and Gentlemen, please give it up…for Lent!

12/3/12  I’ve had the time of my life!

19/3/12  The Mother of All Sundays

26/3/12  Clocks Go Forward, Petrol Goes Up & Meikle Wartle Goes Back to Bed


02/4/12  Education, education, education. And butteries

09/4/12  MI5 want to read all our emails. What a dull episode of ‘Spooks’ that’ll be

16/4/12  The Panda is an endangered species, but it’s not all black and white

23/4/12  Meet a conscientious objector. In fact, he’s practically a workaholic

30/4/12 The council elections. Have your say on local government….and a nosey round a primary school


07/5/12  The people of the North-East have spoken, and they have said ’Ppfff’!

14/5/12  It’s a triumph for democracy! More folk voted for Pudsey than turned out in the local elections

21/5/12  Can you complete a 10k road race without training? Only if you bring your bus fare

28/5/12  Meet the new boss, same as the old boss – but slightly better paid and in a nicer office


04/6/12  60 years in the same job with no chance of promotion. Mind you, the tied house is a bosker

11/6/12  Four words which perfectly sum up what the London 2012 Olympics mean for the North of Scotland: “Torch Relay – Expect Delays”

18/6/12  I love you, you’re perfect, now keep the change

25/6/12  Tax doesn’t have to be taxing. Or expensive


02/7/12  It’s the book you simply can’t put down. In case someone clocks what you’re reading

09/7/12  Humans are now so advanced that our technology can answer the most fundamental questions: Did the ball cross the line?

16/7/12  This week has seen much of the country hit by torrential rain and flooding. What we would call ‘Summer’

23/7/12  ‘Nick Buckles’ : Not so much a name as grounds for a dishonourable discharge

30/7/12  Aberdonians are deep down happy. Very deep, if the faces on the folk on Union Street are anything to go by


6/8/12  “Team GB take Gold in the Coxless C2 Double-Trap Kirin!” Let’s face it, we’re medalling in things we don’t fully understand

13/8/12  Meikle Wartle is gripped by Olympic fever. Well, better that than Foot and Mouth

20/8/12  Hooray! Hooray! Its a Holi- Holiday! destination Magaluf and Minsk

27/8/12  Poor Prince Harry just can’t win. He gets stick when he wears a Nazi uniform and just as much when he doesn’t!


3/9/12  Why stop at the Bible? Let’s translate every book into Doric, from Lady Chatterly’s Bidie-In to Captain Corelli’s Squeezebox

10/9/12  We’ve got our own version of ‘Who Do You Think You Are’, it’s called ‘Fa’s The Boy?’

17/9/12  Rowie’ has been added to the dictionary. Hang on, ‘Rowie’ wasn’t in the dictionary?

24/9/12  Eating deep-fried confectionary doesn’t get tougher than this!


1/10/12  ‘Sorry’ seems to be the hardest word. Except for politicians; for them it’s ‘resignation’

8/10/12 They said Aberdeen has its head stuck in the sand. Well, we showed them!*

15/10/12  That’s Summer over – if that’s the right word for 3 months of freezing fog, howling winds and floods

22/10/12 You say ‘Potato’, we say ‘Tattie’ (Holiday)

29/10/12  Granny’s golden rule for when the clocks change: ‘Spring Roll, Fall Over’. Of course, she was affa dottled.


5/11/12  Heading Aberdeen’s City of Culture bid – an unsuitable job for an inabootcomer

12/11/12 The new reality show that’s just for Nadine Dorries: ‘I Lack Credibility; Get Me Out of Here!’

19/11/12  Tit-for-tat attacks and dangerous snacks

26/11/12  It’s that rarest of things; a rugby score a Pittodrie!


3/12/12  St Andrew’s Night with The Meikle Wartle Ceilidh Band (Ft.Will.I.Am )

10/12/12 ‘Walking in a Winter Wonderland’ Well, it fairly beats driving on untreated roads

17/12/12  All I want for Christmas is cheaper petrol, a doric dictionary and a Onesie

24/12/12  It’s the true meaning of Christmas; tree theft, bin-raking and a blow-up reindeer

31/12/12  Hogmannay (n.) When the Scots, rightly famed for their incredible capacity for alcohol, really step it up a gear

* Denotes unpublished column