Lemon Tree Studio – 1998

“A banquet of belly-laughs.. superbly performed..if you can get a ticket for it, you’ll be very lucky.”

—Press & Journal

“Weel, it wiz different.”

— Craig’s Dad

Anticipation (coupled with anxiety, leavened with a touch of raw fear) was the watchword as The Flying Pigs taxied down the runway for the first time. As a new company performing new material in an unfamiliar theatre, we really had no idea what to expect. This didn’t make it easy to sell tickets.

Us –            “Will you buy a ticket?”

Punter –    “What can I expect?”

Us –            “We really have no idea.”

Would the audience laugh? And if so, would they laugh at the bits they were supposed to laugh at, or at the travesty unfolding before them? Nor were jangling nerves soothed by a shocker of a technical rehearsal during which it became clear that we had created a show with more lighting and sound cues than an evening out with Jean Michel Jarre. When the first night audience was bid welcome to the “Dress Rehearsal” which later concluded with a bow taken to the strains of “The Great Escape” little did they know that we were not entirely joking.

Here are a couple of blasts from our past. Among the highlights of Last Tango in Powis was Oor Faither featuring Craig as God and John as a bloke in a hard hat. Another was what turned out to be the first of many times that we met Archie & Davie.

And here’s the programme, featuring original cast member Scott Christie on the cover.

Reviews were mixed. Well, we got two, and one was a stinker.

“Laddish, lacking in subtlety and reliant on the pantomiming of bodily functions.” said the Evening Express in an uncharacteristically accurate piece of journalism.

“A banquet of belly-laughs…superbly performed…if you can get a ticket for it, you’ll be very lucky.” said the P&J, enthusiastically.

“When’s the next one?” said a gratifyingly large number of the audience.

And perhaps most importantly of all;

“You’ve haven’t lost money.” said the manager of the Lemon Tree.

So we partied, in the Mudd Club of all places, where Greg – not normally an energetic exponent of dance – gave an interpretation of “Brimful of Asha” so spirited that he broke the glasses of a startled bystander. Sorry Kenny.

 

Cast
Scott Christie
Shirley Cummings
John Hardie
Oli Knox
Fiona Lussier
Craig Pike
Dave Quaite

Written by
Greg Gordon
Andrew Brebner
Additional Material by
Grant Campbell
John Hardie
Ewan MacGillivray
Charles Sandison

Directed By
John Hardie

Sponsors
Jock’s Bar
Enterprise Oil
Marathon Oil U.K. Ltd
Raeburn Christie

What the Papers Said

Aberdeen Press & Journal, 20/2/98

‘The newly formed Flying Pig Productions is the only company with the foresight and the common decency to supply me with a ready made review in the back of their programme. “Every word was a gem”, it read, “it’s the order they were put in that worried me”. After laughing all the way through Flying Pigs’ first hilarious comedy revue, Last Tango In Powis, at the Lemon Tree Studio Theatre last night, I’m more than happy to agree with the first part of that quote. Written by Andrew Brebner and Greg Gordon, and directed by John Hardie, this show is precisely what happens when talent and material boil over during the preparation for the Aberdeen Students Charities Show. Not that Last Tango is a light snack of mouldy leftovers. Anything but, this show is a banquet of belly laughs that will leave you completely stuffed. Superbly performed by Scott Christie, Shirley Cummings, John Hardie, Oli Knox, Fiona Lussier, Craig Pike and Dave Quaite, Last Tango takes a swipe at everything from the legal profession to sleekit flatulence. But first and foremost, it is a North-east show and it doesn’t care who knows it. It runs until Saturday at The Lemon Tree and if you can get a ticket for it, you’ll be extremely lucky.’

 

Next show: Where Seagulls Dare – 1999

Native Aberdonian,  original Pig, and the only one among us with an entry in the IMDB, Scotty has been in London for the past ten years seeking fame and fortune. If, as you read this, you find yourself wondering ‘Scotty who?’, then, obviously, he’s still looking.

Highlights of his career so far include beating up ex-Hobbit Elijah Wood in Green Street, an online MacDonalds advert that didn’t involve burgers and acting as a Guinness World Records adjudicator (where he received more TV coverage than he’s ever had as an actor). But Scott’s greatest role was Wee Alickie at Pittodrie, where he became a cult figure after being hit with a Bovril by Rangers fans.

Scott is delighted that things have taken off for his Pig pals and hopes they remember him in the future, as he still has those backstage photos from the first show, which he’s sure the P&J would be VERY interested in.

After performing with Flying Pigs, Laura moved to London to train at Mountview Academy gaining her BA HONS Performing Arts (Musical Theatre). While studying she played roles including Julie Jordan in ‘Carousel’, The Beggar Woman in ‘Sweeney Todd’, and Eve/Mamma Noah in ‘Children of Eden’, in London’s Covent Garden.

Since graduating theatre credits include ‘The Wasteland’. On Television she played various roles for C4’s ‘Bo Selecta!’ and Laura has also been Principal Singer in ‘Best of the West End’ onboard The Arcaidia and most recently, The NCL Dawn.

Laura is currently living and working in Lisbon, Portugal in the Cirque show ‘Four, Spirit of the Elements’ as their lead vocalist, a role that requires “Weird ass singing and crazy costumes“.

At last, her early experience as a Flying Pig can be put to good use.

After appearing as a shouting Irishman in the first Flying Pig Show, shouting Irishman Dave went on to graduate from Aberdeen University in Psychology.

Accepting the Queen’s Shilling, he then embarked for a life on the ocean wave with the Royal Navy, protecting not only our shores, but also fish and, with the aid of a decent sunblock, his skin.

He briefly reprised his stage career and was outstanding in the Britannia Royal Naval College’s Christmas Panto as Prince Charming, a role more traditionally played by a female performer.

He is now the Navigating Officer on HMS ENTERPRISE, a position which will be held in the future by a Mr. Sulu and a Mr. Data

The prospect of working on genetically modified plants was enough to lure Oliver to the other side of the world in 2003. As if depriving us of his unique physical talents and guts wasn’t enough, he also insisted on taking his wife, Christine, with him thus dealing us the added blow of removing our set and props mistress.

Whilst in Australia and using the wonders of modern technology, Oliver put in his farewell appearance in The Hunchback of Walker Dam in 2004, and by use of the same technique Oliver and Christine’s son, Dylan, made his debut as Mither and Faither’s grandson, little Kieran.

Oliver’s only outing on the boards in the Australian outback saw him playing a donkey. Finding it difficult to determine if the critical response, describing him as a complete ass, was positive or negative, Oliver has now made a change in artistic direction. Quite surprisingly, other people like his poetry too!

Oliver, along with Christine, Dylan and now also Nathan and Abigail, returned to Scotland in 2008; but so far his accent remains pure Ramsay Street.

While employed as Chief Electrician at His Majesty’s Theatre, Aberdeen, Kelvin moonlighted as Lighting Designer for Flying Pig Productions at The Lemon Tree. This involved sitting in the dark for many hours, occasionally feeling John Hardie’s light touch upon his shoulder as he softly whispered gentle words of encouragement in his lilting Doric brogue. Leaving HMT and going freelance, Kelvin soon found himself working on a variety of much-lauded Lloyd Webber and ‘Cammie Mack’ productions, but after a visiting a number of international airports and five-star hotels, he soon discovered that these extravaganzas of music and light were a poor substitute for the understated artistic splendour of Flying Pig.

Realising that nothing could compare, Kelvin left the theatre world to run the UK’s scientific diving programme in the Antarctic, and now runs his own company, Silvertip Expedition & Diving Management.

Cold weather survival gear buffs will be eager to learn that Kelvin is wearing an Interspiro AGA Divator Mk II Full Face Mask with customised Swedish DYK visor-mounted LP bailout block.

Writer Simon brings to Flying Pig a keen ear for Doric dialogue, and has the luxury of being able to base the majority of his sketches on either family members or experiences resulting from his admittedly ridiculous surname.  By day he is principal teacher of mathematics at Oldmachar Academy, growing increasingly alarmed at the number of school pupils who are taller than he his.  In fact, it’s at work where Simon gets his greatest laugh – telling pupils he has written anything remotely funny.

Due to overwhelming public demand, Simon’s stage career has been cut short, though he boasts many memorable roles: “Soldier 12½” & “Expressionless child #3” with his Mum in Aberdeen Opera Company; “Daniel O’Donnell strip-o-gram” & “Cantankerous old man” in Student Show and “Boy with no concept of what was going on” in an Aberdeen Grammar School production of “Blood Wedding” by Lorca.

In his spare time Simon tests the structure and resilience of Aberdeen’s pavements whilst out running and  tests the skills and resolve of the green-keepers at Kemnay Golf Club whilst golfing. However, he  has now completely retired from testing the abilities of local hairdressers.

Simon lives in the city’s glittering suburbs with his wife, Lynn.

Small of a*se yet big of heart, Steve appears for Flying Pig from the relaxed decadence of Glasgow’s Merchant City and by day is a Principal Teacher of Moral and Religious Education. Those of you who have met him may require to read that sentence again.

Born at an early age, Steven has grown into a performer of some stature, and following some recent Chiropractic assistance has now reached the height of 6 feet 3, without the stoop (with it, 5 feet 5).
Following his debut as ‘3rd Peasant’ in the South Leeds Panto, and training with the St Philips Primary School Players, he achieved critical acclaim in the roles of ‘Pharaoh’ and ‘Dracula’, though not at the same time.

After a period of “resting” he returned to the stage in Pools Paradise as ‘the Revd Toop’ – an ecclesiastical role, which of course would point to a calling in later life. As, indeed, did his roles as an arrogant young man in The Fantasticks, a cuckolded lover in Arcadia, a boorish actor in Kiss Me Kate, and, most taxing of all, a transvestite in Hair.

Television has included a role as ‘Bored Audience Member’ in An Evening With Evelyn Glennie and a surprised but rather pleased winning contestant on defunct daytime STV quiz Beat the Streets.

Steven is, of course, best known for his recurring role as ‘fake tan road tester’ on BBC Radio Scotland, in which he describes the texture, colour and efficacy of a variety of tanning products for the benefit of mid-morning listeners.

King of Couthy, Man of the People and Pin up boy of the Sunshine Club (Kincorth), Craig is a local showbiz legend in his own lunchtime. When not pursuing his day job with a prominent local law firm,  he can bring joy to a roomful of octogenarians with a squeeze of his box.

Craig began his career at an early age, appearing as ‘The Oracle’ in Mile End Primary School’s sell out production of “Queen Beryl and the Romans” in 1985. This part required him to wear his mother’s spare room curtains, a look which he periodically sports to this day, sometimes when bowling. In 1988 he made his professional debut as Third Munchkin from the Left in “The Wizard of Oz”, with Jessica Martin.

An accomplished accordion player, Craig is a stalwart of “Mrs Gerrard’s Accordion Band” ® and his recorded work includes the CD and Video box set “Hogmanay Party at Pittodrie House Hotel”, available now from all good reduced to clear bins.
TV includes appearing as a solo artiste in “Little Donkey”, live from Beechgrove Church in 1986, and an appearance on Grampian TV in the shining and radiant company of Sarah Mack, who, it turns out, really is that colour in real life.

Craig is also resident choreographer for Flying Pig, having studied at the Balnagask Conservatoire of Dance where he graduated with distinction in Tap, Ballet and The Slosh.

John was born at 2.30pm on Saturday 14th November 1970, thus preventing his father from getting to Pittodrie for the Dons’ only home win over old firm opposition in an otherwise miserable season. As a partner in a firm of solicitors he practices (in the fullest sense of the word) law. A debonair man about town, a near professional singer, a noted sailor, and a martial arts expert; he’s represented them all in court.

John began his career at Broomhill Primary where his ‘Second King’ in the nativity remains definitive. While there, he beat off competition from every other 4 year old actor in Aberdeen to win the role of Wee Julian, the weak bladdered page boy in the ‘Scotland the What?’ sketch, Mary’s Wedding.

TV work includes oddly dressed teenager in BBC Scotland’s Open to Question, interviewing Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, who used to be married to Patsy Kensit, who was in Lethal Weapon 2 with Mel Gibson. Also on the small screen, John can be seen as Usher (nae the pop star) in the Dogme-style Greg & Susan’s Wedding Video.

On Radio he enjoyed a recurring role as Theatre Critic on Northsound 2. Asked to rate a production of The Roy Orbison Story out of 10, and unable to resist temptation, he gave it The Big O. A flood of complaints from Orbison fans cut his broadcasting career tragically short.

John lives in a wee world of his own and with Gayle, his inexplicably patient wife.