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All Quiet on the Westburn Front

Lemon Tree Studio – 2001

“15% of it was very funny. The other 85% was f@*#!ng hilarious!”

—Paul Hughson

Having refined our schtick there were no major changes for the fourth production, aside from saying farewell to Shirley and welcoming new performer Laura Sinclair. We put Robbie Shepherd in Stars in their Eyes, had PC Bobby Constable take the rap for Grampian Police, saw Davie phone a friend and revealed the hidden truth about Genghis Khan and the actor Peter Mayhew.

Cast
John Hardie
Oli Knox
Craig Pike
Steve Rance
Laura Sinclair
Susan Webster
With
Andrew Brebner
Greg Gordon

Written by
Andrew Brebner
Greg Gordon
Additional Material
Simon Fogiel

Directed by
John Hardie

Previous show: A Clockwork Sporran – 2000

Next Show: Prime Cuts – 2001

A Clockwork Sporran

Lemon Tree Studio – 2000

“Sharp, witty, irreverent and essential comedy viewing”

– Press & Journal

“H’min, wis you in ‘at show at i Lemon Tree?
F*@#!ng brilliant! I hinna laughed ‘at much in years!”

—The Bouncer at Beluga

Dedicated to the memory of Stanley Cooslick, the famously reclusive North-East auteur, Clockwork Sporran had been unseen in British theatres for over 20 years, primarily because we’d only just written it.

Highlights included the Teuchtervision Song contest, Robbie Shepherd appearing in a Jane Austen novel,  Craig vamping it up and Maurice blowing his own, not inconsiderable, trumpet. .

More full houses and good notices resulted, for which we can only apologise, as a reversal of fortune would clearly have made for more exciting reading.

The post-show party was at Greg’s city centre batchelor pad, with newly fitted kitchen, leather suite and perforated roof. We were also graced with a guest appearance from Oli’s parents, the Commander and Mrs Knox, who provided words of wisdom and encouragement, as well as a reprimand for John for eating stovies straight out of the pan.

Cast
Shirley Cummings
John Hardie
Oli Knox
Craig Pike
Steven Rance
Susan Webster

Written by
Greg Gordon
Andrew Brebner


Directed by
John Hardie

Lighting Design by
Kelvin Murray

Sponsors
Raeburn Christie
Lefevre Litigation

What the Papers Said

Aberdeen Press & Journal 4/6/99

Pigs were flying again at the Lemon Tree last night, powered by hail and hearty laughter from an enthusiastic audience. The long-awaited Flying Pig production of Stanley Cooslick’s Clockwork Sporran was unleashed with a distinctly tangy, orange flavour, right down to MC John Hardie’s boots. Although not sponsored by Orange, the show featured a flock of welcome mobile phone jokes, and some lively stabs at Grampian TV. However, the flying piglets are in no way discriminating about their vicitms, most people from most walks of life in the North-east, including myself, gets comically abused in this hilarious show. The Aberdeen Pavement Dances were a personal favourite and although all the piglets were uniformly brilliant, Craig Pike was more brilliant that most – in his orange shirt and socks. Written by Greg Gordon and Andrew Brebner, Clockwork Sporran is sharp, witty, irreverent, and essential comedy viewing.

Aberdeen Evening Express, 4/6/99

Jings, crivvens, help ma Boab! How do they do it? Another evening of pure unadulterated fun from the Flying Pigs – only this time, it may be even better. If you consider yourself an old-timer – if you have performances of Last Tango In Powis and Where Seagulls Dare under your belt – you’d better make it a hat-trick with this latest contribution to the North-east laughter file. Craig Pike excels himself yet again in a multitude of acting and musical roles, including a Doric Count Dracula and long-suffering faither in the Mither! sketches. John Hardie never fails to entertain in roles from the hilarious Archie and Davie and The Liar, to an uncanny impersonation of Grampian TV’s Kate Fraser. The show also launches some pop careers in the form of arthritic geriatric Betty Spears and the North-east boy band, Portsoyzone. The cast of A Clockwork Sporran, which includes the brilliant Susan Webster, Shirley Cummings, Steve Rance and Oli Knox, should be proud of themselves. For the third year running, I’ve chuckled all the way home. Catch it if you can.”

Previous show: Where Seagulls Dare – 1999

Next show: All Quiet On The Westburn Front – 2001

 

Where Seagulls Dare

Lemon Tree Studio – 1999

 

“A maelstrom of mirth.. This show is seriously funny & should not be missed!”

—Press & Journal

Why ‘Where Seagulls Dare’?

The full and frank story behind the sequel to Last Tango in Powis:

Greg:       ‘ Well, that last one went very well, didn’t it? Shall we do another one?’

Andrew:  ‘Yes, let’s.’

No time was wasted in beginning preparations for the second show. Indeed, the first new sketch was composed by Greg in Jock’s Bar after the opening night of Tango. Taking on board the criticism of the more off colour moments; expletives and bodily functions were pruned from the show and confined, instead, to rehearsals.

There were personnel changes too, with Scott and Fiona lured away to stage school in London, and the arrival of Susan and Steve, bringing a most welcome dose of coothy Doric and arseless Northern humour to proceedings.

Highlights included the debut of Aberdonian Pavement Dances, Archie & Davie remembering the Glory of Gothenburg and Maurice the Liar telling a whopper of biblical proportions.

Here’s the programme, featuring Craig’s debut appearance as cover star and a pair of stuffed seagulls which, legend has it, Oli smuggled out of (and, crucially, back into) the Zoology Dept at the University.

Cast
Shirley Cummings
John Hardie
Oli Knox
Craig Pike
Steven Rance
Susan Webster

Written by
Greg Gordon
Andrew Brebner
Additional Material by
Shirley Cummings
John Hardie
Gordon Irvine
Susan Webster

Directed by
John Hardie

Musical Arrangements
Steve Rance

Lighting Design
Kelvin Murray

What the Papers Said

Aberdeen Press & Journal, 3/6/99

‘Apparently I hailed the first Flying Pig production, Last Tango In Powis, as a banquet of belly-laughs which must be true, because it was. Far be it from me to deprive the brilliantly funny Piglets of a handy bite-sized nugget of praise for their publicity material.So here are a few gems about their current comedy show, Where Seagulls Dare, which opened at the studio theatre of Aberdeen’s Lemon Tree last night. “A cocktail of capers” is quite good, as is “a treasure chest full of chuckles”. “A maelstrom of mirth” is better, or even “a lexicon of laughs!”All of which apply, are completely true and would fit neatly on to a poster and flyer. Written by Andrew Brebner and Greg Gordon, Where Seagulls Dare features the usual suspects. But for this new show Hardie, Knox, Pike, and Cummings are joined by the excellent Susan Webster and the superb Steve Rance.In all seriousness, this show is seriously funny and should not be missed.’

Aberdeen Evening Express, 4/6/99

‘What happens when the student show grows up? Well you may ask, as it doesn’t happen very often. Last time Scotland the What was born. Now its the turn of Flying Pig Productions to cut loose from the apron strings with their comedy show Where Seagulls Dare. Owing as much to Harry Enfield and chums as to Buff, Steve and George, the top comedy team of Last Tango In Powis fame pulls together yet another fun-packed evening in true North-east style. PC Bobby Constable is present and correct, courtesy of Doric grand master Craig Pike – whose portrayals of Mr Fester the undertaker and the coothy Doric terrorist are outshone only by his double act with John Hardie, Archie and Davie. If you lament the demise of Scotland the What?, Archie and Davie brings it all flooding back, reincarnated in the way only Buff’s son could get away with. Steven Rance, the Yorkshireman who mastered Doric for this year’s student show, turns in a still impeccable local accent, while girl power is supplied in gallons by talented duo Shirley Cummings and impersonator Susan Webster. Another year has brought new confidence, new faces, and a few necessary changes to the Flying Pigs, but I am glad to report the comedy and laughs are frequent as ever. I am already looking forward to next year.’

Previous show: Last Tango In Powis – 1998

Next show: A Clockwork Sporran – 2000

Kelvin Murray

While employed as Chief Electrician at His Majesty’s Theatre, Aberdeen, Kelvin moonlighted as Lighting Designer for Flying Pig Productions at The Lemon Tree. This involved sitting in the dark for many hours, occasionally feeling John Hardie’s light touch upon his shoulder as he softly whispered gentle words of encouragement in his lilting Doric brogue. Leaving HMT and going freelance, Kelvin soon found himself working on a variety of much-lauded Lloyd Webber and ‘Cammie Mack’ productions, but after a visiting a number of international airports and five-star hotels, he soon discovered that these extravaganzas of music and light were a poor substitute for the understated artistic splendour of Flying Pig.

Realising that nothing could compare, Kelvin left the theatre world to run the UK’s scientific diving programme in the Antarctic, and now runs his own company, Silvertip Expedition & Diving Management.

Cold weather survival gear buffs will be eager to learn that Kelvin is wearing an Interspiro AGA Divator Mk II Full Face Mask with customised Swedish DYK visor-mounted LP bailout block.

 

John Hardie

 

 

John was born at 2.30pm on Saturday 14th November 1970, thus preventing his father from getting to Pittodrie for the Dons’ only home win over old firm opposition in an otherwise miserable season. As a partner in a firm of solicitors he practices (in the fullest sense of the word) law. A debonair man about town, a near professional singer, a noted sailor, and a martial arts expert; he’s represented them all in court.

John began his career at Broomhill Primary where his ‘Second King’ in the nativity remains definitive. While there, he beat off competition from every other 4 year old actor in Aberdeen to win the role of Wee Julian, the weak bladdered page boy in the ‘Scotland the What?’ sketch, Mary’s Wedding.

 

TV work includes oddly dressed teenager in BBC Scotland’s Open to Question, interviewing Jim Kerr of Simple Minds, who used to be married to Patsy Kensit, who was in Lethal Weapon 2 with Mel Gibson. Also on the small screen, John can be seen as Usher (nae the pop star) in the Dogme-style Greg & Susan’s Wedding Video.

 

On Radio he enjoyed a recurring role as Theatre Critic on Northsound 2. Asked to rate a production of The Roy Orbison Story out of 10, and unable to resist temptation, he gave it The Big O. A flood of complaints from Orbison fans cut his broadcasting career tragically short.

John lives in a wee world of his own and with Gayle, his inexplicably patient wife.

 

Meet the Flying Pigs

 

This is the fine body of men (and women, obviously) who comprise the  Flying Pigs.

Click on the photos for a wee biography of each member of the team.

From Top Left:

Moray Barber,  Elaine ClarkSusan Gordon, Greg Gordon,

John Hardie, Craig Pike, Steven Rance,

Andrew BrebnerSimon Fogiel,