P&J Column for 3.2.14

When it comes to filthy thoroughfares, Aberdeen is streets ahead

ALEXANDER SANG, Chairman of the Executive Committee of the Licensing Board.

During this wik’s meeting of the executive Committee of the Licensing Board I had occasion to bring to my colleagues’ attention the recent report fae Friends Of The Earth. It wis fly time, fan we tak a wee break fae oor hectic schedule of cogitation, rumination and procrastination tae glance at the papers and bring oorselves up to date on world affairs. This survey fae the tree-huggers indicated that Aiberdeen has three of the dirtiest streets in Scotland; with Wellington Road, Union Street and Market Street all ranking high on the list. Fellow committee member Dick Hay was incredulous; in fact he very nearly choked on his non-subsidised yum-yum. “Weel, ‘at canna be right’ he says. ‘Surely Aiberdeen’s muckiest street is Bridge Street. You should ken ‘at Sandy, efter a’, you’re the een fa granted the licenses tae a’ that lap dancing placies.’

I was swift to correct him. ‘Gentlemen’s Clubs’ I says. And onywye, this list, as compiled by the Putin-baiting hippies fae Friends of The Earth is of the nation’s maist polluted thoroughfares, nae the best places for lonely mannies tae get their jollies.

Still, I wis surprised tae see us on the naughty list fan it comes tae pollution. The centre of Aiberdeen is very clean. That is een o’ the unsung benefits of the total absence of shoppers, tourists or pedestrians of ony kind. And fan is the last time you seen a scaffie, Gum-buster or Clean & Green machine in the toon? Years ago, that’s fan, fit just goes tae show foo clean it is. Moreover, the Cooncil’s Environmental Policy is now consolidated on the micro and macro levels. Global climate change is a fact, and we must take proper consideration of that in oor efforts tae reduce pollution and stoor at a local level. That is fit wye we now have a policy of harnessing extreme weather events tae oor advantage, and leave all street cleaning to the now regular downpours of torrential rain. I dinna think even the beardy-weirdies fae Friends of the Earth wid hiv ony luck finding much ‘particulate matter’ that hizna been swept awa been the highly-efficient deluge of hale watter that hits wir pavements every ither day.


Cava’ Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit whose sheep are on fire.

As a lifelong Dons fan who has been a Dons fan for all his whole life long, this was a weekend what I will not never be forgetting in a hurry. I was down in Edinburgh to watch the Dandies thump St Johnstone 4-0 and claim a place in this season’s League Cup Final. Melody drove me down in the Jag and while I was at the game she did a bit of shopping in Harvey Nicholas. There was a big, big, big lot of crowds around Tynecastle and she couldn’t not find no-where to park, so eventually we just had to leave the car up on some old tram tracks. Criminal.

The Dons have had something of a who-do-you-do in semi finals of late, losing five in a row before Saturdays long overdue triumph. Mind you, those defeats had come against the true giants of Scottish football, Celtic, Dundee United, Hibs and Queen of the South. Even so, I must admit that me and a lot of other punnets viewed Saturday’s match as a potential bandana skin. Thankfully, it was meat and drink to the Pittodire side who satisfied the fans hunger for a win by serving up a feast of goals and showing the Saints which side their bread is buttered on.

Big fixtures like that are what it’s all about for a footballer. I remember when I was applying my trade for Inverurie Locos and we met our bitter rivals Kintore in the semi-final of the Kemnay Invitational. We was tipped to win, of course, but we was always scared that in a David v Goliath match, the under-dog might win, unlike in the bible. As it transposed, we rose to the occlusion and thrashed them 1-0 to set up a thrilling final against Monymusk.

There is one person what the Dandy Dons should be truly grateful for on Saturday – the 12,000 fans that made the trip to Auld Dreechie to roar their team on. I was proud to be amongst them on Saturday, and when they trudged back along Gorgie road to their buses in the pouring rain I was with them every step of the way. Until Melody picked me up in the Jag at the top of Wheatfield Road. On the way back up the A90 I hears on the radio that Neil Lennon had been there, sitting in the Main Stand with all the Aberdeen supporters. Reputedly, he had got pelters and had left before the end. I have to say I was shocked at that. I’d always assumed he was a Celtic fan.