P&J Column 28.6.18

“Winter is coming” – well, that’s a June wedding in Old Rayne for you.

Shelley Shingles, showbiz correspondent and Miss Fetteresso 1983

O M actual G! It was a celeb-spotting bonanza here in the North East last weekend when the cast of hit TV drama Game of Thrones descended upon us for the wedding of heartthrob Kit Harington and local lass Rose Leslie! They got married at Rayne church then had their shindig at Warthill Castle, and when I heard that I immediately looked  both places up on google maps to see if I could spy me some stars –and to find out exactly how far from the middle of nowhere they were.

Whilst I was at it, I had to google “Game of Thrones” as well, because I’ve never really watched it. I did catch a bit of it once, but it was a bit gadsy for me. I’m not really a fan of fantasy stuff anyway, I prefers my TV to be a bit more grounded in reality. So I turned over to watch something more educational, like ‘Cake Boss’.

Anyway, a load of famous folk made the trip, including film stars like Peter Dinklage and Marcus Mumford from the pop group Mumford and Sons (fun showbiz fact – the band are all brothers and their dad was in Rentaghost!) but top of the bill was none other than the Khaleesi herself, Emilia Clarke! She was looking stunning when she went into the church, though to be honest she’s so totes gorge she looks stunning coming out of Lidl.  But even she couldn’t overshadow Rose Leslie, the beautiful bride.

Me and Rose go way back. I first met her at North Rayne Primary  in 1993, when I was spokes-modelling for the Tufty Club and she was doing some colouring in.

‘What are you meant to be?’ She thoughtfully enquired.

I’m a squirrel’ I replied. And I’ll never forget what she said to me next.

‘My Daddy shoots them!’

Wise words from a great lady.


View from the midden with Meikle Wartle Televisions’ Jock Alexander

It’s been a gaseous wik in the village.

The big news this week is that pig welfare is at risk here in the rural areas, thanks tae a chronic shortage of CO2.  Apparently at least five gas producers a’ across Europe hiv been offline for maintenance, and it has been described as “the worst supply situation to hit the European carbon dioxide business in decades”.

Noo you toonsers may be unaware, but CO2 has twa affa important uses – een of which is pitting the fizz intae yer carbonated beer, cider and saft drinks, and the ither is giving fit Skittery Wullie euphanistically cries “a trip tae Baconville “ tae his aminals.  Noo I’m nae pig expert, so I’m nae entirely sure precisely fit role CO2 plays in this act, but I’m pretty sure he disnae jist hit them o’er the heed wi a bottle o’ Irn Bru.

But onywye, that’s the harsh reality o’ the rural life, ye ken. Nature reed in tooth and claw, and a mannie in a rubber apron wi’ a great big bolt gun. We dinna keep a’ these beasts fer cuddles and companionship, ye ken. Weel, nae jist fer that, onywye. Cheerio!


Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who’s still in the sweeper

The World Cup continues to be full of controverbial incidents, mostly around this VAR technology they’ve ruined the game with.

Portugal got stitched up by it the other night, when Iran scored a pen from a soft handball decision. Then they nearly scored another which would have seen Ronaldo and co catching the first flight home, what would have fairly let the cat out of the bag of pigeons. Mind you, Ronaldo himself had a lucky escape after he clocked one of the Iran boys in the puss with a stray elbow but only got a yellow card. It’s all about reputation- if old Kenny had done that (and he did, several times) I’d have got a red (and I did, every time).

The punnets is fairly banging on about England thrashing Panorama 6-1. Fair enough lads it was a good result, but tone down the celebrations a bit, eh? They are the diddiest of all the diddy teams at this World Cup, true footballing mintoes – beating them is like winning at blow football against an asthmatic.


Don’t miss The Flying Pigs live on stage all this week in Now That’s What I Call Methlick! at His Majesty’s Theatre Aberdeen; a pucklie tickets still available!