P&J Column 25.5.17

It’s not everyday you see the Cooncil get a right good Kirking.

Tanya Souter, lifestyle correspondent

I da ken aboot yous, but I’m sick tae the back teeth wi’ folk fa dae wir city doon. I hear folk moaning that nithin iver happens here, that it’s shabby and rife wi’ criminality. But like I wiz saying tae my pal Big Sonya as we smuggled a load of fags and vodka oot o’ Morrisons, that’s nae fair, is it? Aiberdeen his grand events too, the problem is persuading folk tae get involved. We hid NuArt, the street art graffiti festival, fit allowed me tae skite stuff up on wa’s aboot my ex-boyfriend Jason’s new quine wi’oot gettin’ lifted. We’ve hid that Spectra festival thing wi the funcy coloured lichts in St Nicholas kirkyard that made me think I wis aff my face fan I wiznae, (hear me, I fair thocht some’dy hid spiked my Malibu in Ma Camerons) and jist last wikend we had a’ the pomp and ceremony of Aiberdeen’s ‘Kirking of the Cooncil’ doon Union Street.

It’s a ceremony fit dates back hunners of years the new cooncillors parade doon the middle o’ Union Street tae the Mither Kirk tae officially begin the new Cooncil Session. I did wonder fit wye they didnae jist walk on the pavement. Then I minded fit a hassle it is tae dodge past the bus queues, pushchairs and charity muggers, so fair play tae them. Noo, I dinna ken fit it wiz a’ aboot, but it wiz affa impressive tae watch. I wiz maist impressed by the devotion tae duty of wir ex-Labour cooncillors who, despite being kicked oot of their pairty, had still managed tae cheer up lang enough tae raid the Toon Hoose funcy dress box.   The last time I seen velvet robes, tricorn hats and furry shoulders like that I wis watching ‘Wolf Hall’ on the telly. And I hid nae idea fit a’ that wis aboot either. Fit made it really special this time wis the public protests, fit hiv niver happened afore. So say fit ye like aboot the new council, at least they’re encouraging folk tae get involved!

Shelley Shingles, Showbiz Correspondent and Miss Fetteresso 1994

OM actual G.  As if we weren’t all heartbroken enough this week, Roger Moore goes and passes away.  I was totes emosh when I heard.  I know he’s not most peoples’ favourite Bond, but for me, he was definitely in the top five, just behind Paddington creator Michael, ex-BBC royal Correspondent Jennie and Russ Abbott’s Basildon. And, of course, he was an absolute gentleman.  I met him once at a big charity dinner he was hosting in London.  Now before you start, I know what you’re going to say!  “Shelley!”  You’re thinking, “I knew you were a big wheel in the local celebrity scene, with the annual gig of lead the winning bull round the Turriff show ring and a’thing, but I never knew you’d made it to London!”  Well yes, as a younger (but not that much younger!) lady I went down to try my luck in the big smoke and attended all the glitzy parties – thanks to my contacts, my agent and getting a job as a function waitress at the Waldorf Hotel. It was files I was passing Roger with a tray of a goats’ cheese croutons that I got speaking to him.  I says, “It’s really good of you to host this big event for kids, but why is it being sponsored by a big glue company?”

He smiled, raised a signature eyebrow and said, “It’s not Unibond, my dear. It’s UNICEF. But do stick around so you can learn about the support they provide to children all over the world.”

Wise words from a true gent.

Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit who lets you know he’s there

It’s always sad when a player what has been a loyal servant to a club moves on to pasteurise new.  Chelsea fans bid farewell to their idle John Terry at Stamford Bridge on Sunday, and even the tough-tackling, no-nonsense JT was choked with emulsion when he got subbed off on 26 minutes with a garden of honour.

It’s so sad that this hand-warming jester has come under fire from certain people in the medium.  They is saying that it is bang out of order to agree a substitution before the match has even kicked off and there’s even talk of an inquiry into people placing large bets on the timing of Terry getting subbed.  When I heard that some people had exploited John Terry’s farewell to make a few quid over it made me very angry.  Angry that I never stuck a tenner on it myself.