Entertainment news with showbiz insider SHELLEY SHINGLES (Miss Fetteresso, 1993)

I see my good chum and Loose Woman (in more ways than one!!) Denise Welch is back in the glossies again!!  I haven’t actually read any of the stories myself, but from teeting at the photos she seems to be having a great time, reunited with cuddly actor hubby, Dennis Healy.  Either that, or she’s heading a toy-boy-lust booze-hell break-up.  You never can tell with Denise!!

I first bumped into her back in 1993 when she took time out of her breakthrough role in “Soldier Soldier” to travel north and judge “Miss Aberdeenshire”.  Never mind ‘ Britain’s Got Talent’, what a panel of judges that was!!  Denise, Theo Snelders and Robin Galloway!!  Champers Nightclub in Maryculter had never seen anything like it!!  I finished runner-up to Miss Oyne – no shame in that, she went on to be the face of the Scottish Pig Breeders Association – and Denise was good enough to stot up to me and slur a few encouraging words, before passing out face-down in my cleavage.  It was the start of a firm friendship that continues to this day. Granted, we haven’t seen or spoken to each other since, but whatever scrapes our Denise gets into, I’ll never forget what she said to me, it remains the mantra by which I live my life today:

“Where am I?”

Wise words, from a great lady.


‘CAVA’ KENNY CORDINER the football pundit who kicks back!

Like most of the crowd, I had went to Pittodrie on Saturday looking for revenge.  12 April 2008 is a date what Aberdeen fans won’t never forget, for all the wrong reasons.  Sadly, when the chance come along for the Dandies to bury the Queen of the South hoodoo, we can only say 3 words – sick as a parrot.  When I look back on my extinguished career, I also have tasted the pain of losing to the underdog too.  I remember it as if it was yesterday.   The gaffer at Formartine had arranged a friendly with the Albyn School for Girls U15s.  There’s nobody can deny we had counted our chickens and was already planning our first goal celebration.  But as my old pal Jimmy Greaves sometimes always said – it’s a funny old game.  They wanted it well more than what we did and stuffed us 3-0. There really is no easy games in football.

I is chuffed to see Aberdeen legend Russell Anderson back at the club.  You don’t get many stalwarts in this day where money does all the talking, like what it does now.  Hopefully Russell will be off the psycho’s couch and back playing soon.  I know exactly how Russell feels – when I left Inverurie Locos, for the bright lights of Brechin City, I says that one day I’d return. Then at the end of my playing days I got a phone call from the club, asking me back.  When I sat down in the manager’s office he says to me, “Fit are you daein’ in my seat?” Turned out they’d just cleared out my old locker after 20 years, and he wanted to give me back my jock-strap.

I hope Craig Brown gives Russell the same support.


TANYA SOUTER lifestyle advice with a local flavour.

Well that’s January awa, and nae doot yer New Year’s Resolutions is a’ready lying smashed on i’ fleer (like I wis, last Saturday in i’ Priory), so here’s a few tips tae help turn yer good intentions intae great results:

Christmas belly still nae shiftin’?  There’s an ower-the-coonter remedy available tae a’body that supresses appetite and his the added benefit of makin’ ye look cool and sophisticated – fags.

My pal Natasha his ayewiz been a smoker and she’s got a figure like Kate Moss.  Her skin’s as wrinkly as Stirling Moss, like, but her body is tae die for.  Soon, judgin’ by that cough of hers.

Of course, if yer a fat pleiter fa smokes a’ready, things is mair trickier. The BMA recommends 20 minutes of exercise, 3 times a wik; but exercise can be very dangerous, especially if yer nae used til it. Gie’t a miss, I say. Naebody’s ever dropped doon deid fae the strain o’ openin’ a bag o’ cheesy wotsits. Often, the problem is that, wi oor busy modren life-styles, wir diet is nae balanced across the 5 main food groups; fat, sa’t sugar, pastry and ingin. But you can cover the hale five in a oner wi a really good balanced meal, like a hot pie and a yum yum.

You maybe seen in the news recently that a’body in Scotland is in danger o’ gettin’ rickets because o’ the lack o’ sunlight durin’ winter months!  Rickets?  GADS!!  Dinna worry though, as ony nutritionist can tell ye, rickets is caused by a lack o’ vitamin D.  Een o’ the best wyes tae get mair vitamin D is tae eat oily fish like sardines and mackerel.  Unfortunately, the Ashvale disnae dae them, so jist dae fit I dae – crush up a Sanatogen and sprinkle it ower yer mock chop supper.

Look after yersel’s!