Susan continues to bring her own distinctive Doric brilliance to our productions as well as being a calm and relaxed presence in the Gordon household. Another hard working edumacator, Susan also finds time to produce baking and desserts of the highest quality, to which the ever-expanding waistlines of the Pigs are testament.

An alumnus of Aberdeen’s prestigious Holburn West Junior Music Society, she was one half of a highly successful sister act during the early 1980’s. Their closing number – an impassioned performance of “Let’s all Play at Indians” – would elicit wild applause from a select audience of mum, dad, and upstairs neighbour. Typecast in the role of ‘Narrator’ at Ashley Road Primary, Susan then diversified and took the guise of ‘La Corbie’ in Aberdeen Grammar School’s production of Mary Queen of Scots Got Her Head Chopped Off, and has continued the ‘old crone’ theme with subsequent roles. With Flying Pig, however, Susan has broadened her palette and can be sometimes seen playing characters as young as 50.

TV work includes presenting a cheque in a Grampian TV Telethon and an appearance aged 4 in the Union Grove Oddbins during a report by Selina Scott, who subsequently went on to work with both ‘fun-time’ Frank Bough and Prince Charles. Her radio work includes a performance as ‘starstruck fan at the head of the queue for Jason Donovan tickets’ in 1990.

Greg brings to the group a tight intellectual discipline, a tranquil voice of reason and the stomach lining of a pensioner, he can be seen stomping around the campus of Aberdeen University, academic gown fluttering behind him, in his day job at the Department of Law.

Trained at Walker Dam Infants and Hazelhead Primary and Secondary, Greg recovered from the early disappointment of being passed over for the nativity, going on to provide a sensitive portrayal of ‘Second Elephant’ in the school pageant. His trunk, consisting of tangerines stuffed into a spray painted football sock stunned audiences and strained his neck muscles. His television work includes a recurring role as ‘man walking away from camera’, on North Tonight’s library shot of Old Aberdeen High Street (1993-1994), providing an ad hoc interview to Jane Franchi on the sacking of Alex Smith as Don’s manager, and an appearance on Grampian Weekend in which he gave a gravely serious interview on the nature of comedy.

Greg’s writing career began at the age of 11 with the publication of a letter to the Green Final. Since then he has written jokes for the school debating society, the same jokes for The Student Show and the same jokes again for Flying Pig. He lives in Aberdeen and in fear of being found out.

One of the City of Aberdeen’s foremost edumacators, Elaine brings her own distinctive blonde dizziness to the Pig proceedings and several members of her family too, who are inevitably asked to add some exquisite musical ornamentation to the show.

Elaine commenced her theatrical training at Scotstown and Udny Green Primaries before graduating to Ellon Academy. Theatre work includes Third Angel in the School Nativity and a hooting part as an Owl in The Wind in the Willows, for which she achieved critical acclaim for the intensity of her acting, as well as the magnificent costume lovingly hand crafted by her mother from finest brown paper. Elaine now performs in front of a captive audiences 5 days a week at Albyn School.

Television work includes a week-long stint on Wacaday where she taught Timmy Mallet the finer points of Scottish Country Dancing, and also a starring role as “incredulous teenager in the crowd at Pittodrie” in a glorious Don’s defeat of Rangers.

A die-hard Aberdeen fan, Lainey takes great pride in the fact that her late Grandma played for the Dons when ladies football briefly flourished during wartime. Even with her zimmer, she would still have beaten Zander Diamond over six yards.

Theatrical harlot Mr A J Brebner is regularly seen galumphing around the stage in a series of musical comedies and operettas. In the real world, which he does his best to spend as little time in as possible, he is a self-unemployed graphic designer (portfolio on www.brebdesign.co.uk). Andrew received his extensive training at Ashley Road and Airyhall Primary Schools, Hazlehead Academy, Aberdeen College, Aberdeen University, The Robert Gordon University and Aberdeen College again. The current crisis in student funding can’t be blamed on him in it’s entirety, but it’s gye close.

He made his theatrical debut with Miss McKenzie’s Primary 3 class, in the role of ‘lava’ in a white vest. This was followed by dual roles as ‘Singing Cowboy’ and ‘First Train Carriage’ in the unforgettable Primary 5 Concert and only 13 years later, he appeared as ‘Chief’ in a self-penned 5-minute abridgement of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest for Aberdeen University English department. His use of a boiler suit, a long black wig and a tin of brown Kiwi shoe polish is still talked about to this day. Mostly in seminars about diversity awareness.

Aside from countless Student Shows and songs and sketches for Flying Pig Productions, his writing credits include several dozen books, dictated to his mother between the ages of 4 and 6, which currently await publication. In his loft.

Moray brings to the cast a cheeky smile, a dropped shoulder & large fanbase of women under 70, (perfectly complementing Craig’s more mature following). When not justifying himself to his leftie mates / family about the morality of advising on the complex tax arrangements of large corporations, Moray enjoys cycling. He can often be seen cycling into town, cycling into work and cycling into car doors as drivers open them without checking their wing mirrors on North Deeside Road.

Theatre; a sold-out run at the Edinburgh Festival Fringe, playing to cast members’ grannies and local tramps in for a free heat, and audience member at Hamlet at the RSC, in which he thought David Tennant was very good.

Television; Young Krypton Factor 1988, in which he was runner up to Simon Horner from Yorkshire in a nailbiting series final. 20 years later; he is entirely comfortable with coming second.

Moray comes to Flying Pig Productions direct from The Office. Not the TV programme, just his work.

This is the fine body of men (and women, obviously) who comprise the  Flying Pigs.

Click on the photos for a wee biography of each member of the team.

From Top Left:

Moray Barber,  Elaine Clark, Susan Gordon, Greg Gordon,

John Hardie, Craig Pike, Steven Rance,

Andrew Brebner, Simon Fogiel,

‘Tickets Please’

https://www.facebook.com/TheFlyingPigPage/videos/10156089389631197/

‘The Nativity’

 ‘Dreich Encounter Trailer’

 ‘Pimp My Tractor’

‘Same Sex Marriage’

The Desperate Fishwives extended trailer

‘Man’s Man’

‘Derek, the Psychotic Personal Trainer’

‘Haud ‘Is – Auchnagatt For Good’

Click to play, or if you’d like to download any of the clips, right click and select ‘Save Target File’.

• Oor Faither
• Archie and Davie On The Game
• The Liar; Mother Theresa
• Ghengis Canna
• Air Stewards
• Licensing Board; Beer Festival
• Youse Is Fit You Eat
  
• The Planning Officer
• The Caledonia Bank

Education, Eduction, Education. And Butteries

Oor Ain Folk – This week JONATHON M LEWIS, local Headteacher, on meeting the current challenges in Scottish education

The phone has been red hot here at Garioch Academy.  Mainly because the janitor had inadvertently wired it up to the mains. But there were also a number of calls from concerned parents following last week’s reports about the new exams pupils are due to sit in 2014.

I can reassure our parents that such concerns are wholly unfounded.  Here at Garioch, preparations have been underway for some time, and our new look curriculum is very much geared towards preparing our young people for the modern world.

The Mathematics department, in particular, has looked extensively at key topics such as percentages, fractions and calculus and has significantly improved results – by removing them from the curriculum entirely. And I’m pleased to report that the pupils have really come on board with the new topics, ‘Mobile Phone Contract Comprehension’ and watching Cash in the Attic.

In English the teaching staff have gone even further, by replacing outmoded texts such as the complete works of Shakespeare with more relevant materials such as Heat Magazine and the Evening Express Quick crossword.

The Music department has seen a move away from the now obsolete ‘Classical’ composers and a new, clear focus on singing the hits of Adele and developing a compelling back-story.

Many of our other departments have found ways to modernise – Art have taken to using colour by numbers, Home Economics have been buying in ready meals and Technical now bring in flat-pack from IKEA.  Physics, Chemistry and Biology have been unified in a single, all-encompassing science course entitled ‘Anything with Professor Brian Cox in’.

Such transformations have not been without challenge – some parents have even refused to pay our increased materials fees of £1000 per child – but we are a solution-focused school.  Those pupils are simply locked in the games hall until the end of the day, with all the equipment necessary for our Physical Education department to comply with the curriculum for excellence; two beanbags, a shuttlecock and a Nintendo Wii.

As for the pupils’ future prospects, the golden carrot for employers has always been good qualifications.  Given that many of these new courses don’t actually have an exam at the end of them and are marked by our own staff, I am able to categorically assure any parent that their child’s results will be excellent – without even having to ask them who their child is!

 

Introducing our very own ‘money saving expert’, king of the grips, KEVIN CASH

I see the price of stamps is up. 60p for first class?!  50p for second?!  Fa’s delivering them? David Cameron on a retired police horse? It’s a letter I’m sending, nae a manned mission tae Jupiter. Here’s my top tips on foo tae economise on communication costs

1. Dinna send letters oot.  Invite yer friends roon t’yer hoose for a drink.  Fan they arrive, hand them a gless o watter, their letter, and their coat.

2. Here’s an approach that mixes creativity with frugality.  Get yersel inveigled with your local Brownie pack and set them a’ an arts and crafts task – who can draw the best very small portrait of the Queen. In profile.  Affix to your envelope using a knocked-off glue stick, earwax or, if you have a cold, snochters.

3. Ask yersel, ‘Do I really need tae send a letter?’ I dae a’hin by Twitter these days,  birthday greetings, sharing my news, dumping my girlfriend.  There’s no better or cheaper wye to get a message across than having it retweeted to twa million strangers by Stephen Fry.

4. Of course,  texts and tweets are nae appropriate for a’thin – like fan someb’dy’s deed. Or you’ve a bill tae pay. You’ve heard the expression ‘Free as a bird’? Weel, seagulls, craws and cooshie-doos mak very effective carrier pigeons, and there’s hunners o’ them ga’n aboot! To pay your council tax by post, simply abduct a bird fae outside Marischal College, tak it hame, row yer cheque up and attach it to its leg, and watch your payment literally wing its wye to the cooncil. Feed it on fig rolls and prunes afore ye let it go and you’ll communicate a powerful message at the same time. Dirt cheap.

That’s far the value is!

 

STRUAN METCALFE, Conservative MSP for Aberdeenshire North and Surrounding Nether Regions

Once again, it appears  that I need to apologise unreservedly for recent comments made on Twitter. I absolutely regret making the following tweet:

“Just heard news about proposed EU ban on un-rendered fats. Embargo on newly-baked butteries with immediate effect. Better fill up your freezers now, people…it’s the end of the Rowie as we know it”.

I understand my April Fool’s wheeze – tweeted from my iPad3 whilst three sheets to the wind in the bar at The Marcliffe after a particularly rum-sodden Tory Party fund-raiser – caused widespread panic all over Aberdeenshire, a run on the Buttery and what I understand Grampian Police are referring to as ‘The Aitken’s Riot’. My sincere apologies to Esma Mitchell who is currently under observation at A&E having had to have a Yum Yum removed from an unmentionable extremity. But hey! Been there, done that – in my first year at Gordonstoun, fagging to Snorter Simpkins. Although in my case, it was a Millionaire’s Shortbread, natch.

 

 

 

Interview with Martin Gallagher

(Aberdeen Performing Arts Magazine. 1/4/11)

The Pigs make a welcome return to HMT this year, what have you been up to since How to Look Good Glaikit in 2009?

During the run of that show we got the green light from the BBC to make a TV pilot of our radio series ‘Desperate Fishwives’, so work on writing that began pretty much straight away. At the same time we were writing series 3 for radio, which went out over Christmas week 2009. We shot the TV pilot at Easter time last year and then later in 2010 we made two festive specials for Radio Scotland, including a Hogmanay show. So there’s always been something to keep us out of mischief.

How long does it take to pull together a Flying Pigs production? From concept through to performance.

The whole process is about 9 months long. We started in earnest on this show at the turn of the year. It starts with deciding what we’re going to call the show, then assembling the material and seeing what we’ve got. The great benefit of doing ‘Desperate Fishwives’ for radio and telly is that it prompts us to write material constantly, as there’s always some new deadline looming. ‘The Silence of The Bams’ will be two hours of the best stuff we’ve come up with since mid 2009, and we must have over 5 hours of songs and sketches to choose from. Then over the next couple of months the writers, Greg, Andrew, Simon, Moray and myself will meet up to thrash out new ideas. Added to that, we always like to have a few topical gags in the show, so there will be some items that won’t be written until much nearer curtain up.

We’ll all get together for a read-through of the material about 16 weeks before the show, to narrow it down a bit and cast the new characters. Then, about 12 weeks in advance, we start our traditional Sunday rehearsals, during which we rely heavily on Stanislawski’s Emotion Memory technique, but rather more heavily on fine pieces and trying to make each other laugh. We’ll step up to two or three times a week as we get nearer to the show.

We stage an out of town preview a few weeks before we get to the theatre, (this year it’s in Inverurie) which helps us iron out any problems, and then we’re on!

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TV, Radio and stage… is it easy enough to adapt your style to change between them? Do you have a favourite medium?

The techniques are all different, and as none of us are trained as actors we’ve had to learn as we go. It’s a question of remembering where the audience is and performing accordingly. In the theatre the reaction (or lack of it!) is immediate, and you can wait for laughs or pick up the pace in response to what the audience is doing. For radio we record in front of a live audience, so there’s an element of playing to the gallery, but it’s important to remember that the main audience is the one listening at home and so there’s a bit less freedom. In TV, of course, you don’t have any audience contact, so the technique I personally deploy is ‘do your best and don’t trip over the cables’.

As for a favorite medium, for me it’s the theatre. And not just because it’s you that’s asking. I have two particular foibles, which infuriate and terrify my fellow Flying Pigs. As a Director I’ve a terrible habit of making cuts or changes up to (and, some would say, after) the last minute, and a nice long run in the theatre allows that kind of flexibility.

As an actor I can, very occasionally, stray from the confines of the script into wee improvisations, which usually end up in the right place, but get there by a circuitous route. In other words, I rarely deliver the same line twice. You can’t do that when you’re shooting a TV sketch on Balnagask Golf course in the teeth of a gale. Well, you can, but the continuity lady gives you into trouble.

Can you tell us a little bit of what we can expect from the show?

Well, for the wholly uninitiated, it’s a comedy revue of sketches and songs performed by 7 Aberdonians who probably ought to know better. We’ve been described as ‘the punk ‘Scotland The What’ which sums it up pretty well.

For those who have seen or heard us before I can confidently predict that the show will feature Archie & Davie, Maurice the Liar, Ruaridh Duguid’s latest travails, a new song from Hilton John as well as new characters in the Bakery Wifies and the first stage appearance of the stars of Mtv (Meiklewartle Television).

But most of all, what everyone can expect is a right good laugh.