P&J Column 21.1.16

Trump will make America great again. Every time he  comes over here.

Struan Metcalfe, MSP for Aberdeenshire North and Surrounding Nether Regions

Now, look here, even some of the very best politicians are prone to the odd ‘gaffe’. I myself will quite often say, in the heat of the moment – or go out of my way to carefully construct then post on social media – something that is inflammatory and upsetting. And when I do, central office makes me issue a sincere and heartfelt apology for any offence I may have unwittingly – or, indeed, on purpose.

But it’s not just the good politicians who gaffe. Oh no. Really bad politicians do it as well. Witness old Sir Trumpalot and his disgraceful utterances about who he wouldn’t allow into the old USofA, there. He caused such a stir with the bleeding hearts that this week that our MPs had to debate a petition calling for a ban on the US Presidential hopeful from entering the UK.

Now, I am conflicted on this one. He has said some dreadful things of late. I mean, ban the internet? How is a chap supposed to post his insightful views and inspirational quotes on Twitter? Or privately send fruity messages to smashing bits of stuff?

On the other hand, if he is banned then that could well be the end of a whole host of golfing jollies I’ve got planned for over the next 12 months. I know for a fact that Super Dave, Clarkson, Roy Chubby Brown et al are going to be pretty miffed if they don’t get the promised 36 holes on Trump followed by a night out getting lashed up on Kopparberg in Ellon’s finest venue, The Curry Club.

But perhaps Blighty’s approval doesn’t matter much to The Donald. His presidential campaign has just been endorsed by none other than influential US conservative voice and ticking time-bomb, Sarah Palin. They are a surprising pairing really, one having moved from politics to reality TV, and the other vice-versa. Imagine if the Labour leadership was being contested by Peter Andre with an endorsement from George Galloway? Actually, cripes – don’t imagine that. He’d be a lot more electable than Jezzer Corbyn!

Jonathan M Lewis, local Headteacher

I see that a 10 year old boy in England has suffered the indignity of a police investigation and the seizing of the family computer, because of something he wrote in school. Meaning to write that he lived in a “terraced” house, he wrote instead that he lived in a “terrorist” house – leading to a great deal of stress and unhappiness.

My own experience demonstrates the dangers of leaping to conclusions. Recently, one of our young people wrote “Mr Lewis is a big fat git”. Naturally, I was annoyed, but rather than dispense summary justice, I sought to hear his explanation. Lucky I did, as it turned out there was a perfectly reasonable explanation. He had meant “big fat” not pejoratively but in the modern idiomatic sense of “important” or “impressive”, while his use of the word “git” was an innocent error. He had noticed how popular I was with all his school fellows, and had meant to write “hit”! How embarrassing it would have been to dress him down without knowing the full facts! I told him that I was pleased to be making such a positive impact on the lives of the school’s young stakeholders, but that in future, positive feedback could simply be popped in our suggestions box, rather than spray-painted on the wall of the science block.

Cava Kenny Cordiner, the football pundit whose match fixing allegations were never proved.

Whenever you read the sporting headlights these days, it seems that half the stories is about drugs, Burberry and contraption. I hope we’ve seen the last of the alligators about the dodgy dealings in Athletics, now they’ve got rid of the man in charge and replaced him with British Olympic hero, Glen Coe.

We’ve come to expect it from some sports, but now the finger of suspension is pointing at the tennis. This week the sport was rocked by revolutions about match fixing. Apparently, there’s secret documents what say 16 top players might have been throwing matches. Old Kenny is horrified, for two reasons. Firstly, because the thought of anyone deliberately losing a game for a bit of cash goes against everything I hold dear to my hearth. And thirdly, because try as I might, I cannot find out who them 16 players is, so I can stick a bet on them losing.