‘President’ Trump. That’s who you want with the nuclear button; a man who tilts at windmills

Ron Cluny, Official Council Spokesman

It has been a week of ups and downs here at Council HQ. We were disappointed that plans to turn the old E&M building into a hotel had fallen through, as no company had been found to operate the premises. I am mystified by that . Of late, opening a half-empty hotel has become a tried and trusted business model here in the North East. On the plus side, the city has been bolstered by the news that Trump International’s Menie Links is to host the Scottish Open golf. Of course, relations between Mr Trump and the Council have not always been straightforward, but this is a great achievement and it therefore behoves us to rise above our difficulties and to offer a heartfelt and lukewarm “well done”. Nor was this the most significant piece of news to issue from Trump Towers this week – the bold Donald is running for President of the United States! Of course, even a man as dynamic as Trump has finite time and energy, and if he were to succeed he would inevitably have to scale back his activities over here. With that in mind, Aberdeen City Council is giving Donald our unconditional backing in the Presidential election. Go Donald! Go Donald! Go, Donald.

Shelley Shingles, showbiz correspondent and Miss Fetteresso 1983

OMG! It’s been an amazeballs week in showbiz. It started with a bang for one of my major crushes, the totes adorbs Dave Grohl out of the Foo Fighters. He was doing a gig in Gothenburg when he managed to take a heider off the stage and break his leg! Oocha! Mind you, he is so rock and roll, he came back to finish the gig in a stookie. Ledge! I’ve never met Dave, but I do know how it feels to have an accident at work in Sweden’s second city. Most Aberdonians will have fond memories of 11th May 1983, but mines are mixed. As the newly crowned Miss Fetteresso I’d gone across on the ferry as the face of McIntosh of Dyce scotch pies. The journey over was fine but, after the Dandies won the cup, the trip home was mental! Let’s just say I was lucky that carrying a tray full of pies whilst wearing high heels in a bar full of bleezing Aberdeen fans only resulted in a sprained ankle. Still, like Dave, I was soon back in the game. It’s amazing what a bit of ice can do. Especially when it comes in a triple peach schnapps and lemonade!

The whisper in TV land is that lovable ginger-nut Chris Evans is taking over as host of Top Gear. There’s plenty presenters well jell about that one! Chris has promised to respect what has gone before, so hopefully that means there’ll still be plenty of what Top Gear is famous for; casual racism. Totes hilare! The BBC spent a long time choosing, and having plumped for Evans it’s safe to say one thing – they obviously never watched TFI Friday at the weekend! Of course, me and Chris go way back. I first met him when I was starting my modelling career down in London. I’d scored some work on a feature on the Big Breakfast, where I was dressed as a chicken whilst Bishop Desmond Tutu chucked eggs at Zig and Zag. Five minutes before my big moment, Chris came up to me and I’ll never forget what he said. “Sorry love, we’re running over schedule, so your bit’s cut.” Wise words from a true gent.

Professor Hector Schlenk, Senior Research Fellow at the Bogton Institute for Public Engagement with Science

As a scientist, people are forever asking me questions such as , “When will the average human lifespan exceed 100 years?”, “You appear to be on your own; do you want the toy for this happy meal?” and “Did Jon Snow really die in Game of Thrones?” This week, people have been asking me what I think about Professor Tim Hunt’s comments about women in science. I have to say that the portrait he paints of female scientists crying and falling in love with co-workers is not one that I recognise, although this may be because the Institute’s staff consist solely of myself and Professor Tiddles, a ginger tom of unusual insight and ability. There is no place for these outdated gender stereotypes in the cerebral discipline of science. I can say – hand on heart – that female scientists are very welcome to apply for a job in my lab. Very welcome. And that the sassy, gothic one with the tattoos who helped lead the “distractingly sexy” twitter campaign would be very, very, welcome indeed.

 

See us live this summer at HMT Aberdeen and the King’s Theatre Edinburgh